Look inside of yourself. What do you see? What do you feel? What drives you to act, to love, to sing? What is it that gives you life?
This is your energy. Say hello. Lean in to it.
Close your eyes. Imagine this energy swirling within your body. What does it look like? What does it feel like? What does it taste like? Where is it tugging you? What is it searching for?
Hold it close. Let this energy guide you. This is a deep calling from within. It is uniquely yours. Love it fiercely.
Being in your twenties is messy, and that is without the complication of romance. We are trying to find out who we are, what we want to be when we grow up, the realities of that dream, where we want to live, what our priorities will be, and how to feed ourselves and have clean clothes every day of the week; We are starting new jobs, making new friends, moving to new cities. And then you add in romance, love, sex, and dating to that mix!? Geez... and I am beginning to realize, these issues are not reserved for when you are in your 20s. It is a life long balancing act.
Lately, having just moved into a new community and facing a lot of change, I have been thinking a lot about the relationships that I have in my life and the communities that I am a part of. What is it that I am looking for or seeking from others? What are my strengths and talents? What is it that I am bringing to the table? How do I lean into these new relationships and listen to what others are telling me? What does it mean to be intimate with others? What does it mean to love one another unconditionally? What does it look like to be your own best friend, support, and partner?
My tendency is, and has been, to seek romance, to seek someone to fill some part of myself that I feel is missing; when I am anxious or scared, I crave someone to carry that burden with me, someone to kiss me and tell me it is okay; I crave the reassurance of someone else outside of myself and beyond that of a friend or family member. Now, with modern dating apps, it is so easy to begin swiping right in hopes of swiping across Mr. or Ms. Right, but 99% of the time after opening a dating app, I am left feeling empty and even more alone. I bet most people reading this desire to be loved and held in a romantic relationship, and some of you reading this are in a loving and healthy romantic relationship. Regardless of where you are along the journey, it is, and still can be, hard and sometimes scary to be alone. It is important to remember that we are never really alone; We have everything we need packaged within us. The whole universe lives and breathes inside each of us; we just have to be willing to listen, engage, and lean in. It is when we take time to be with ourselves, reflect on our community, and seek love from within that we begin to see how blessed, strong, and beautiful we really are. Do not be afraid.
Here are some questions to begin to reflect on your own life. It takes practice but, together, we can begin leaning in to the best parts of ourselves and learn to be our own best friends (I am working on it right along side you).
What relationships in your life right now are life giving and revitalizing? What relationships in your life are difficult right now, and how can you be present in that space? What parts of your community do you feel tugging at your heart and soul? What gifts and talents do you possess within yourself? What areas of yourself do you want to strengthen and develop? What activities bring you joy? What are three things you love about who you are? Tell three people in your life that you are thankful for them and that they matter.
And remember:
You are blessed, strong, and oh, so beautiful.
Recently, I have had the privilege of moving into a new home, an intentional living community, with two other girls and my cat, Binx (pictured below). Soon, we will be adding a dog to the mix! Her name is Scout. (Get ready to hear about the new adventures!)
Every Wednesday night, we open our home to friends, family, homeless friends, and anybody who wants to stop by for a delicious bite of food, good conversation, and a warm welcoming space where everyone can express their humanity and share in life together. I have only been living here for about three weeks now, but I am already in love with the place. Getting to know my roommates and the people in the community is awe inspiring. There is so much passion, love, warmth, and openness surrounding us. I feel myself becoming a better version of myself and learning to grow into areas that are unfamiliar and full of potential. Sharing in and witnessing everyone's stories and perspectives is transformational. I am beyond thankful for this opportunity and all of the wonderful people my life has bumped up against and will continue to bump into. This place is changing me, permeating my soul, and working its way through me in profound ways.
Ironically, without meaning to, I created the perfect logo for this community and my life in this space. I hadn't even noticed until my roommate pointed it out to me. After creating an instagram for this blog (https://www.instagram.com/beautifulmessylives/), I wanted to create an image that summed up what this blog means to me. In my mind, this blog is about what it means to be human. Through sharing my own stories, processing things that life throws at us, and hopefully, engaging in honest and vulnerable dialogue, I hope this blog can be a source of inspiration or hope for others. The image that came to mind was that of people and animals together in harmony. What I created was an image of three people, a cat, and a dog with the words "Our Beautiful Messy Lives"strewn across the middle (See photo below). What I didn't realize is that this is literally a snapshot of my life at the moment. It is beautiful and messy and full of life.
Hopefully, the lessons that I learn and grow into, living in community, will translate and bleed over onto these pages. Hopefully, as you read these posts, you are encouraged to love yourself, lean into deeper questions, and let yourself be human. While the logo captures my life at this moment, I also want it to represent what community can look and feel like for everyone. Here is to leaning in and being in community.
