Maintaining rituals is difficult. Self-care is challenging. Managing emotions, boundaries, and a healthy lifestyle is tough. Some weeks are great, and others are terrible.
Finding that balance between extroversion/introversion, giving/receiving and working/playing is much more difficult than anyone tells you.
There are so many voices in my head; so many preconditioned and overused tape recordings buzzing around, crowding out my own voice and filling me with self-doubt. There are so many expectations placed upon all of us about what it means to be “successful” or “good,” “beautiful” or “smart.” It is exhausting. I want to find me and want to find myself using my own rules.
Recently, I have realized and decided a few things.
1. It is critical for me to find time to be alone; boundaries are essential. It is okay to say no.
2. I love reading books on self-betterment, spiritual growth, and health – I wish that these were topics taught more frequently within schools and institutions. Instead, we are taught to push ourselves to fit other people’s expectations. We are taught to value a certain narrative of success that compromises our own well-being. I have seen too many friends and acquaintances sacrifice their own well-being for the sake of a grade or a stamp of approval.
Sleep declines, stress increases, and health deteriorates. It is okay to take time for yourself. It is okay to rest. It is not selfish or foolish. It is essential.
3. I have decided to forgo relationships with boys (romantically or flirtatiously) and alcohol for 90 days to reset and focus on myself. It is important to ask: “What do I need right now?”
4. We all have demons. It is okay to ask for help. It is okay to not be okay.
While I do not have all the answers and will be the first to admit that I am still a work in progress, I hope that I can begin to share some of my insights. Living in an intentional living community, working on a master’s degree, and reading books on co-dependency, boundary setting, addictions, and spiritual growth, I have felt myself shift and grow so much in the last year and a half. I have things to share and a voice to add to the dialogue. I hope you can find inspiration and encouragement here.
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