Do you ever feel like you are not good enough? Do you ever feel like you have to constantly prove yourself and find validation in others?
I am guilty of these feelings.
It was not until someone special in my life came along and reminded me of my own worth that I began to realize how detrimental these thoughts and feelings are. Of course I am good enough, and so are you. We should never have to prove our worth to anyone; if they can't see it themselves, they do not deserve our attention (don't be mean, but do not actively pursue their approval). Sometimes it takes someone's kindness and friendship to hand us the mirror and say, "Look. You are beautiful." to remind us of our own worth. So thank you to the person who did that for me. You probably don't even realize what you did or how you did it, but it meant the world.
In the past two years I have had plenty of awful, weird, and just odd experiences with boys. I have been left with a few scars. The last relationship I got caught up in ended, because he desperately needed attention and validation from any girl that would give it to him... sadly, I realize I have the same fatal flaw. I want to be angry and blame him for how messed up it all made me feel. I was confused, frustrated and hurt when one minute it was all about us, and the next, he was treating the girl next to me like his girlfriend or being touchy with my best friend. Yet, it takes two to tango. I realize that I also seek approval from guys, and girls, for that matter. It is nice to feel special and loved. It is easy to let that desire take over and to forget that it is human hearts and minds at stake. It is not a game for your own pleasure. Sadly, with dating apps, it is so easy to open and close doors. It has become somewhat impersonal; if one doesn’t work out, keep swiping right until the next one does. Ironically, dating is one of the most personal things we do in this life. So while it would be easy to sum up the ending of that relationship to his insecurities and shortcomings, it would be unfair to not also admit my own. I have not always been the easiest person to date: I have a lot of emotions, I tend to get jealous, I do not always think before I speak, and in the past, I have not always been faithful. Long distance and my young heart did not go well together. This is something I have been ashamed to admit and address, because I thought people may feel differently about me, but it is part of my story, and I know it is something many couples and individuals face. Loving is difficult. It hurts. Sometimes you let people down; sometimes you let yourself down.
I am sorry to anyone I have ever hurt or misled in my own quest for approval. I am just beginning to realize how true it is that you must first love yourself before you can fully love someone else. Anyone reading this should know: You are worthy of all the love the world can muster and you should never have to prove your worth to anyone. You are a beautiful and precious and lovable just the way you are.
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