Being in your twenties is messy, and that is without the complication of romance. We are trying to find out who we are, what we want to be when we grow up, the realities of that dream, where we want to live, what our priorities will be, and how to feed ourselves and have clean clothes every day of the week; We are starting new jobs, making new friends, moving to new cities. And then you add in romance, love, sex, and dating to that mix!? Geez.
Things get complicated.
Sadly, these struggles are not limited to those of us in our twenties. I know many women (and men) who still struggle with these questions and are searching for their place in the world way outside the bounds of an age category. Most of the important women in my life have been divorced, and many of them are re-married. There is no "right" answer despite what the social narrative wants us to believe.
We are told: "fall in love in your twenties (ideally you meet in college) with someone who is within five years of your age (ideally under three), get married in a flashy ceremony, and have kids by 35."
While these notions are beginning to shift, they are still extremely powerful. They are narratives that produce shame; they lead many people to believe that they have somehow "failed" if they are outside of the norm... I want to question the norm. I want to come up with a new narrative that is focused on self love and romance with our own being. I want to let people know that there is no shame in being exactly where you are. We each bring unique life into the world and our existence is important and beautiful. The relationship we have with ourselves is the most important one.
What if instead of being told to fit into the norm above, we were taught:
"fall in love with yourself in your twenties (it is a life long process), meet as many people as you can and create stories together, get married if and when you want to, to whomever you want to, and love fiercely and honestly. You produce life by showing up and giving love to the world not just by creating offspring. Your life is yours to create and nourish. Do with it as you please."
While I am focused specifically on romance in this post, this view of the world applies to all aspects of our life. We do not have to have the perfect job or the perfect home to be enough. We do not have to make a certain amount of money to finally be valued. We are enough just as we are, exactly where we are. The quest for love starts deep within ourselves. While life is unavoidably messy, it doesn't have to be complicated.
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